Dear Daughters and Young Hearts Preparing for Motherhood,
As a mum to two incredible adult daughters and a mother-in-law, I’ve walked the beautiful, messy path of motherhood. I want to share with you—and others preparing for motherhood—what I’ve learned about the heart of being a mum. It comes down to three gifts we’re designed to give our children: nurture, protection, and guidance. These are the roots from which love grows.
Life and culture will challenge you to offer these gifts in a balanced way. History shows us that mothers have always faced this struggle—sometimes one gift comes more naturally than the others, and sometimes we need to heal ourselves before we can give them at all. Here’s what I’ve learned, and what I hope you’ll carry forward.
Nurture
Nurture is the soft, warm hug that says, “You are home.” It’s the comfort of being held when you’re exhausted, the quiet listening when your heart is heavy. Looking back, I wish I’d asked myself before becoming a mum:
- Am I comfortable giving and receiving affection?
- What fills my cup so I have warmth to share?
I wasn’t as prepared as I thought when I welcomed you into the world. I had wise voices urging me to reflect on what nurture meant, but I didn’t always know how to offer it consistently. If you’re preparing for motherhood, take time to think about what nurturing means to you. How do you want to show it? What does it feel like to receive it? Reflection now will light the way later.
Protect: Creating Safety
Protection is the fierce promise, “I’ll keep you safe.” It’s about guarding both body and heart, creating a space where your children feel secure. Ask yourself:
- How do I create safety for myself?
- Do I trust my instincts to spot and face challenges?
- What kind of safe world do I want for my child?
When I was raising you, I often felt alone. Unlike the close-knit family networks of the past, your grandparents were miles away. Modern life can make mothering feel isolating, and I sometimes made choices shaped by cultural pressures or others’ expectations. My hope for you is that you’ll find ways to protect your children while keeping your hearts open to the world.
Guide: Sharing Wisdom
Guidance is the gentle nudge that says, “Here’s the path—I’ll help you find it.” It’s about teaching your children to honour their needs without shame. I’ve wrestled with shame my whole life, especially when it comes to saying “no” to it. I wonder: how can I help you heal from shame, too?
Saying No to Shame
Here’s what I want you, and every young person preparing for parenthood, to know: having needs doesn’t make you weak. Asking for care isn’t selfish. Wanting to be seen, heard, or understood is your birthright.
Shame will try to convince you otherwise. It’ll whisper, “Don’t be too much. Don’t need too much. Don’t bother anyone.” Those lies can stop you from seeking empathy or showing yourself kindness. When you hear that voice, pause. Place your hand on your heart, breathe deeply, and say:
- I’m allowed to have needs.
- My needs don’t make me a burden.
- My needs make me human.
If someone—anyone—judges you for having needs, that’s their discomfort, not your shame. Let it go.
Meeting Your Heavenly Mother
If your own mum couldn’t give you all the love you needed, know this: you can’t fix her, and you don’t have to. It’s heartbreaking to feel that void, but there’s hope. You can find a source of unconditional love in a higher power—a Heavenly Mother who’s always there.
Before you sleep, close your eyes and picture her. She’s delighted by you, smiling when she sees you. She wants joy, abundance, and love for you, never jealous of your light. She whispers, “You are worthy of love, just because you’re mine. I’m proud of you.”
Let her sit with you. Let her words sink in. Over time, she’ll become a living presence, guiding you as you mother your own children. Ask yourself: what does your Heavenly Mother want you to know?
Passing It On
As a daughter, I’ll always long for a compassionate, mindful mum—even if the one I had couldn’t fully be that for me. I’ve learned to create her in my heart, imagining a Heavenly Mother who cheers for me and wishes me well.
If you’re preparing for motherhood, start by recognising your own longings. Create the mother you wish you had—the one who sees you, loves you, and cheers you on. She’ll help you nurture, protect, and guide your children with love and strength.
You are enough. Your needs matter. And you are never alone on this journey.
With all my love,
