Anxiety and worry are common emotional states in parenting. I know it well, as I was trapped in a cycle of stress and fear in my experience as a mother. I would like to share the views of the author of “Emotional Freedom”, Judith Orloff, which include not only a psychological perspective but also a spiritual one.
What I like about her views is that she sees anxiety as a form of emotional energy that can be transformed into a source of insight and empowerment. Our responsibility is to understand it and manage it. In her book, Orloff describes anxiety and worry as heightened states of emotional energy often triggered by fear of the unknown, past traumas, or future-oriented "what if" thinking.
She also emphasizes that anxiety is influenced by the body’s stress response and external energies. People who belong to the emotional style she calls Empaths absorb the stress or emotions of others, which adds to personal anxiety.
Other emotional styles she lists are: The Intellectual, The Gusher, and The Rock. They all play a role in how we experience anxiety in parenting.
The Intellectual may experience anxiety as overthinking or obsessive analysis, trying to control the situation through logic. It does not make the worries go away.
The Empath tends to be overwhelmed and carries everyone’s stress.
The Gusher may express anxiety dramatically, with intense emotional outbursts. Such a parent has a tendency to catastrophize.
The Rock may suppress anxiety, internalise stress, which then manifests as physical tension or burnout.
Orloff provides practical tools to handle anxiety and transform it into calm.
Mindfulness practices can reduce the "what if" spiral of worry by grounding us in the present moment. Techniques include deep breathing, body scans, or visualizing anxiety as a cloud that passes.
Another tool is identifying and challenging fear-based thoughts. For example, replacing "I’m a useless mum” with "I can handle this step by step. Activities like yoga, exercise, or grounding techniques (e.g., taking a walk) help release anxious energy stored in the body. Writing about worries can externalize them, making them feel more manageable. Orloff suggests asking, “What is this anxiety trying to teach me?”
In her book “Emotional Freedom”, the author encourages parents to connect with a higher power, intuition, or inner wisdom to find peace and perspective. Unresolved fear or boundary issues are signs that something in our life needs attention, and anxiety signals to us that we need to uncover and address the root of our anxiety. Parents who pray to gain wisdom and patience are on the path to getting help in handling anxiety.
She also says that as we listen to our anxiety rather than fight it, we can experience self-compassion rather than judgment. Thus, in parenting, it is vital to treat anxiety as a teacher that guides you toward growth and resilience. The questions that one can ask are: “What am I afraid of losing?” or “What can I control right now?
If a parent feels anxious about school performance of their child, for example, they can take practical steps:
1. Take slow, deep breaths to calm the nervous system.
2. Write down the specific worry (e.g., “My child will fail this exam”).
3. Reframe it (e.g., “I’m doing my best to support my child, and he/she can ask for help if needed”).
4. Visualize the anxiety as a wave that peaks and subsides, trusting in your ability to ride it out.
5. Set boundaries, like limiting exposure to people who complain.
This short summary of the message from the “Emotional Freedom” book seems to miss on one great strategy that helped me with my anxiety - the message “you don’t have to navigate your challenges alone”. Talking to trusted people, sharing your feelings with your partner or friends. Just verbalising our worries can make anxiety and worries feel more manageable. Connecting to other parents who understand your struggles can be reassuring and give one a sense of belonging to a community.
